Start Writing
allfeaturedhaikupoemsongex corpseflashstorynovella
3 votes
co+create now! - 3 authors - 5 contributions of 100 - 551 views
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl called Catherine. Although her family was very poor, they loved each other very much. One day her little brother Jack was very sick. One doctor told Catherine that only the ugly witch living in the forest can heal her brother. However, the doctor said the witch is very evil and most likely won't help her brother. But Catherine still went to the forest hoping to convince the witch to heal her brother. At first, when Catherine found the witch and asked for her help, the witch refused.
But then the witch saw how beautiful Catherine was and was so jealous of her beauty. She said to Catherine that if she is willing to treat her beauty with her, she will help her brother. Because Catherine loved her little brother so much, she immediately replied yes. Then the witch cast a spell on Catherine saying that she won't return beautiful again unless someone loves her despite her appearance. Although Catherine's brother was healed, Catherine became really ugly and was so ashamed to return back to her family.
When John, the shepherd and Catherine's lover, found that Catherine was missing, he went to seek the witch. The witch told John that Catherine had became an ugly women and he should forget about her. After hearing this, John was so angry and sad, and he fight with the witch and killed the witch eventually. John began to look for Catherine and found her living besides a lake. Catherine was so ashamed when John saw her. She denied that she was Catherine.
But John recognized the ring he gave to her and said to her that no matter how you look, I will continue loving you. Catherine was so moved and finally revealed her true identity to John. The spell was then gone and they got married.
An interesting story! Reminds me of "The Little Mermaid" and "Beauty and Beast"! Overall your language use is clear and can be easily understood. Good transition between sentences and paragraphs. But you need to pay more attention to your tenses, especially within clauses. (See my suggestions for each paragraph. Click "show difference" to see the places I corrected.)
Good job!